Pregnancy & Infant Loss Month - A Letter from the Dean

Author:
October 01, 2024

Beloveds, 
As we enter the month of October, we are reminded that this is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month—a time to recognize and hold space for the deep grief, complexity, and silence that often surrounds these experiences. For many, this month stirs emotions that are difficult to put into words. There is no singular way to feel, no “right” way to grieve. Each story is unique, and each loss is personal. For some, it may be a time to honor memories, while for others it may be an aching reminder of what was or what might have been. 
Pregnancy and infant loss can leave an imprint that is often unseen, yet always deeply felt. The loss of a pregnancy, miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion, or the death of an infant is a kind of grief that is profound and complex, touching not only the individual but family, friends, and community. Some may feel sadness, anger, emptiness, relief, or confusion—emotions that feelings of guilt or isolation can compound. In our society, these losses are not always spoken about openly, making the path toward healing even more challenging. 
In our own context here in Oklahoma, these losses can be weighed down even further by the complexities of women's healthcare. Oklahoma has been a place of heated and painful debate around women's health and bodily autonomy. The conversations, decisions, and policies surrounding women's health and reproductive rights add layers of difficulty to an already vulnerable and tender journey. I know many of you are feeling the strain of navigating a healthcare system that does not always see or support your needs and that these realities can make the process of healing feel even more distant. As your Dean, I want to say clearly that this community stands with you in your grief, in your pain, and in your story, whatever it may be 
To those who have faced or are facing this kind of loss, please know that you are not alone. You are not forgotten. Your grief matters, your feelings are valid, and there is a place for all of it in this community of love and care. As the church, we want to hold you tenderly in prayer and support, whether you have chosen to share your story or carry it privately. 
We turn to the God who meets us in our brokenness, who weeps with us, and who holds our grief close. St. Paul’s is a place of prayer and sanctuary for all who mourn, for all who need a safe space to sit with the complexity of their loss. If you need to talk, pray, or simply be, know we are here for you. The Cathedral is a community that cultivates spaces of love, compassion, and understanding for those who have experienced this kind of loss. Let us be people who can listen without judgment and accompany others without the pressure to “fix” or to offer easy answers. May we be willing to enter the sacred silence that surrounds these losses, recognizing that sometimes our quiet presence is the most profound gift we can give. 
May we always be reminded that our God, who weeps with us, also walks with us, bringing healing and hope in ways both seen and unseen.  
Beloveds, as we hold one another in love and prayer this month, let us also remember that God’s love meets us in our grief and our questions. We are not alone in the wilderness of our sorrows; together, we can seek pathways toward healing and wholeness.  


With every blessing and in deep care, 
The Very Reverend Katie Churchwell+? 
Dean of St. Paul’s Episcopal Cathedral 

Download the letter HERE

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